她很胖,个儿友矮,一脸雀斑,头发卷得过了份,颜色半黄不红的。我们这些女孩子的胸都很平坦,她却有一对巨乳。就这样她彷佛还不知足,用糖块把胸脯之上的那两个衬衫兜儿撑得鼓鼓囊囊的。不过,她有一件东西,是所有贪恋故事的孩子梦寐以求的:书店老板是她的父亲。
她却没好好利用。至于我们,沾光的机会就更少了。就连我们过生日,她也从不肯送本便宜的小书,只送张父亲店里的明信片敷衍了事。更过分的是,卡片正面就是累西腓本地风景,就是我们住的地方,除了桥,就没别的精致了。背面花体字写着“生日快乐”与“想你”。
但在使坏这方面,她倒是很有天赋。她这个人成天大声地吮吸着糖果,可劲儿地报复我们。这姑娘必然恨我们,我们一个个漂亮苗条又高挑,头发柔柔顺顺的,这简直不能原谅。她平静而凶猛地虐待我。我太爱读书了,简直察觉不到她给我的侮辱,一个劲儿求她借给我她不读的书。
终于,她等到了一个好日子,可以向我施加一场漫长的酷刑。仿佛不经意间,她告诉我她有《小鼻子轶事》这本书,是蒙特罗·罗巴度 [1] 写的。
天啊!那可是一本大部头。对我来说,那书是一起过活的,可以吃它、睡它。不过我可买不起。她让我第二天路过她家时停一下,把那书借给我。
第二天,我沉陷于快乐与希望之中:我不是在生活,而是在一片平静的汪洋中慢慢地游弋,任凭海浪推动着我向前,退后。
第二天,我走到她家,准确地说,我是一路小跑着来的。她可不像我一样住在棚户里,她家是一桩大房子。她根本没有让我进门。她真视着我的眼睛,告诉我她把那书借给另外一个姑娘了,让我今天回去,明天再来。我半张着嘴,慢慢地离开了她的家。不过,没过多久,希望又一次攻占我,我又开始在街上蹦蹦跳跳了,在累西腓的大街小巷里,我总会议这种奇怪的方式走。这一次我没有摔倒,借书的承诺指引着我,第二天很快会来的,之后的日子才是我生活的全部,对世界的爱等待着我,我一如既往地在街上蹦蹦跳跳,一次也没有摔倒。
但事情没那么简单。书店老板的女儿的隐秘计划很平静,也很恶毒。第二天,我来到她家门口,脸上带着笑意,心里雀跃沸腾。但我只听到一声谈谈的回答:书不在她手上,我得明天在来借。我一下子就明白了,在我这一生之中,在我满满的期待下,这“明日再来”的戏码将不断地上演下去。
就这样一日一日过去。多长时间?我不知道。她却知道这场折磨完没了,只要嫉恨没有从她庞大的身躯里流淌干净。我揣度过她是故意选中我,让我受罪。有时,我的确这么想过。但是,想归想,有时我依然可以受,因为让我受罪的这个人,是真的需要让我受苦。
多长时间?我每天去她家,没有一天缺过。有时她会说:那书昨天下午我还有来着,但是你只早上来,因此我又把它借给另外一个姑娘了。而我,我从来不长黑眼圈,现在却感到黑眼圈正在我那双震惊的眼睛下沉陷。
一天,我一如既往地来到她家,屈辱而又沉默默出现在家门口,想必她早就起疑。她要我们两个解释一下。接下来的是一阵荒乱的沉默,间或有些语无论的话冒出来。她母亲越来越糊涂,越发觉得这事的诡异。终于,这位好心的母亲听明白了。她走到女儿面前,愕然地喊:可是,这本书从来没有离家一步,而且,你连读都不读!
对于这位女士来说,最糟的不得知了事情的始末。女儿竟然这么恶毒!这个发现恐怕才真正是件恐怖的事。她默默地审视着我们:一个全然陌生的女儿,使坏的能耐倒是不小;一个是金发女孩,倚立在门边,精疲力竭地迎着累西腓街上的风。这时,她终于有所行动,平静而又鉴定地对女儿说:你,立即把书借给人家。又对着我说:你,这本书你爱看多久就看多久。你们明白吗?这比把书给了我都要好:“我想看多久就看多久”,一个人,无论是大人还是小孩,所敢于企盼的不过如此。
该怎么说接着发生的事儿呢?我怔住了,木木地接过了书。我想我什么话都没说,只是拿起了书。不,我出门时没有像平日那样蹦蹦跳跳。我慢慢地走。我知道我用双手抱住这本厚书,紧紧地贴在胸腹上。到底花了多长时间才走回家,我也不再乎。我的胸暖洋洋的,我的心起伏不定。
我回到家,却没有立即开始阅读。我装成没有这本书的样子,这样,待一会儿我才会大吃一椋。几个小时之后,我翻开书,读上几行美妙的文字,又把书合上,在家里转了转,我又拖延了一会儿,去吃了些黄油面包,装成想不起来书放在哪里了,接着找到了它,打开它看了一会儿。为了这隐秘的东西,为了这幸福,我制造了并不存在的困难。对我而言,幸福总是隐秘的。好像已预感到这点。费了我多少工夫啊!我生活在云端,又是自豪,又是羞愧。我是一个娇贵的女王。
有时,我坐在吊床上,轻轻摇摆着,书在我的怀里展开,我不碰它,只是纯然地陶醉。
我不再是一个有了书的小女孩,而是一个有了情人的女人。
1:Monteiro Lobato (1882——1948):巴西著名儿重作家,其作品影响了几代巴西人,真到现在,依然有广泛的读者。
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