–16岁–
当天唯一能确定的事情是,及川彻先揍了牛岛若利一拳。
挥出去的拳头带着刚被毛巾擦试过的汗水和输掉比赛的愤恨,没收力地打在牛岛胸口。牛岛向后跌了个趔趄,却又被及川拽住领口向前扯。他第一次如此近距离地看着及川的脸,感受道他粗穿着的鼻息喷在自己脸上,眉毛拧成一个愤怒的形状。那双棕色眼睛里的情绪快要满溢出眼眶,以至于他以为及川马上就要流下泪来,或者出口咒骂些最难听的话,抑或是一把把他掼在地上。
但及川没有这么做。
两个人相互瞪着彼此——更准确的来说,是及川单方面瞪着有些发懵的牛岛。然后,不知道是谁先起的头,也不知道是为什么,在两个人回过神来时四片嘴唇已经紧紧贴在一起,像快要一条快要脱水的鱼紧紧贴着浅滩。
他尝到了及川嘴唇的味道。这是一种令他终身难忘的味道,但是说不上来是因为这件事太难忘还是这个味道太奇怪。好像有汗水的腥咸,运动饮料的淡淡甜味,以及唾液黏糊糊的触感。牛岛还没反应过来就感觉嘴巴硬邦邦磕上了什么东西,受力的中心迅速膨胀起来,带着隐隐的痛。及川趁着他倒吸凉气的瞬间把舌头伸进齿间,舔过牙床和上颚,纠缠着他的舌头在口腔里胡乱搅合。
牛岛的身下已经涨硬起来,但及川偏要把手放上去。他松开牛岛的嘴唇,挑着眉看向他,恢复了比赛开始时游刃有余的模样。
“小牛若这是怎么了?”他明知故问,上挑的眼角带着把紧张深深埋在狡猾之下,“白鸟泽的主攻手,日本重炮,绝对王牌,亲一下就硬成这样?”
牛岛知道自己无言以对,因为他也不明白这是为什么。但是及川看起来并没有让他回答的意思,只是稍稍用力把他推到铁皮更衣柜上,另一只手不带任何犹豫地拉下了他的裤角。
他低下头,看到刚刚被自己打败的二传手单膝跪着,双手撑在比赛后汗意还未消退的大腿上。他上手草草撸了那根两下,就张嘴含进了整个头部,粗壮的性器经过他的双唇慢慢滑入口腔,把腮边顶起一个色情的弧度。牛岛的失去了行动的能力,一半是因为爽一半则是因为惊讶,只管双手牢牢抠住背后铁皮柜子上的凸起,发出一声厚重的喘息。及川嘴上动作没停,反而要从下向上抬起眼去看他,明明是居人身下却得意得像是自己拿下了赛点的最后一球。
这样的及川有些陌生,是他从没见过的。牛岛眯起眼睛,怔怔地伸出手去抚摸及川的脸颊,却被对方躲了开去。及川为了避开他的手而后退,将硕大的龟头托在艳红的舌头上,狡黠的神情像是炫耀。
牛岛悬在空中的那只手顿了一下,随即扯住身下青年的微鬈的棕发,用力将阴茎推向对方喉咙的最深处。
于是他听到及川的第一声呻吟。
–18岁–
及川发出一声音调拔高了的呻吟。
牛岛隐约觉得今天的及川和往常不太一样。以前他们做爱的时候,及川虽然总是善于挑逗和调情的那个,但反而在过程当中会格外注意着掩去自己的声音,把所有情绪都紧紧咬在牙关里,只有牛岛故意去撬他的嘴巴才会溢出一两声控制不住的呻吟。今天的及川却不再藏着收着,像是一艘终于松开了锚的船,随心所欲任由情欲的浪潮将他带向任何地方。
体操垫承载着两个人的重量,却只凹下去一个人形的槽。汗水浸透及川的衣衫再渗进海绵里,留下拼凑不起来的印迹。在这个狭小的空间里,只有热,和触感两种感觉相互交缠。
这是两个人经常来的地方,青叶城西的排球馆器材室,是他们无数次交换体液和唾液的地方,是他们用欲望和敌意两种相互矛盾的情感填满的地方,是他们埋藏青春流逝和排球场上下不可明说感情的地方。现在他们的高中时光将要走向句点,而这个句点同样是失败。牛岛恍惚间觉得惊奇又可笑,不知怎么自己最终站在了和及川一样的位置上。
他的阴茎还埋在对方的身体里,随着挺腰的动作一次次粗劣地擦过敏感点,捣在能让他头皮发麻的那个腺体上,又在退出时带出一点红嫩的被体液浸透了的肠肉。他用手环住牛岛的脖子,脖颈扬起脆弱的弧线,被操地熟烂的后穴还在不知羞耻地挽留。
牛岛借着不知道是月光还是灯光去看及川的脸。及川的身体在摇晃,于是他的脸也不甚清楚,形成一团模糊的影子,只有呻吟在耳边被放大到能听清每一处迂回转折。他叫的是那样凶,又是那样浪荡,仿佛自尊心和廉耻不再存在,过了今天之后世界上便不再有人认识他一样。
及川的声音顺着牛岛的耳廓钻进去,一下下尖锐地刺进他的大脑。终于在抽插了不知多少回之后,颤动着的阴茎将精液全部射入及川身体的最深处。他默默从及川体内退出,白浊混合着水液顺着那人大腿内侧流下,停留在被垫在身下的运动服上。他倾身上前想在及川唇上印下一个吻,却被一只手带着不容置疑的力量阻挡。
“我下周就要去阿根廷了。”他看到及川开口,却听不出究竟是谁的声音在说话。
“再见。”
及川在笑,但眼里分明映出层层水光。
–22岁–
在一片黑暗中,泪水不受控制地从及川那双布满血丝的眼睛里流出来,顺着脸颊的曲线滑落,像一群海鸟破开蔚蓝的天空。
牛岛伸出手去想帮他擦掉眼泪,却意外地用手背接住了一颗恰好落下的泪珠。及川发了狠打开他还没碰到自己脸颊的手,于是那滴眼泪便在短短的一瞬间飞入南半球潮热的空气之中,消失得无影无踪。
他把牛岛推在公寓的那张小床上,后者不堪重负地发出吱呀一声巨响。就像人类永远无法准确预测混沌的天气,牛岛也永远搞不清楚及川阴晴不定的心情。身上的男人几分钟前还在大吼着让他滚出去,半分钟前还在他眼前哭得不受控制,但现在却跨坐在他腿上命令他褪掉衣裤。及川双手抓住衣领一把扯掉t恤,身上的肌肉贴让他看起来像个好不容易才缝合起来的旧布娃娃。
躺在床上的牛岛如同待宰的羔羊。他看着及川动手摸出润滑挤在手上,想要帮忙却只收获了对方的一记眼刀,于是讪讪地不敢动作,僵硬的样子好像即将被上的那个人不是及川而是他自己。
润滑剂被缓缓推入穴道,逼出及川的一声轻喘。他自己一根根增加着手指,在后穴翻搅出咕啾的水声,听得牛岛神经发颤。扩张的时间也许在两个人的脑海中很长,但是在现实中其实很短,因为牛岛的性器才进去一个头便感觉到了莫大的阻力。他示意及川再多做一会润滑,却被对方完全忽视。及川双手撑着他的腰缓缓坐下,性器一寸寸没入穴道,只有他抿成直线的双唇和紧闭的双眼体现着肉刃破开内壁的痛楚。
终于坐到最底,及川发出一声喘息,又忙不迭咬住嘴唇。这个姿势进的很深,他能感到龟头也毫不费力地顶到了最深的地方,牛岛粗硬的阴毛戳弄着臀部细嫩的皮肤。由于扑面而来的痛感无法大幅度动作,他只能紧紧咬住牙关提着腰上下蹭动,希望许久未经人事的后穴能快点适应这异物。
及川用牛岛的阴茎操着自己。他像是要把自己的身体劈成两半,再把灵魂彻底毁灭,这样才好获得新生。
牛岛把手掌附在及川的腰际,现在那片光滑柔软的皮肤被一块粗糙的肌肉贴密密裹了起来。他在听到及川受伤休赛的消息后第一时间向队里请了假从波兰飞来阿根廷,终于在布宜诺斯艾利斯的公寓里找到了他。及川刚止住泪的双眼发红,看起来像一头绝望的困兽。
在这个位置,牛岛看不到及川上扬的脸上的表情。不过他今天已经累了,没有那个精力再去猜测,试图解出他永远也做不出来的那道难题。于是他只是默默护着及川的腰,任由他骑在自己身上浮浮沉沉,用欲望和快感把一切淹没。
喘息声被颠得破碎流离,有规律的起伏被两个人的力量搅得混乱不堪,牛岛终于在一声粗喘后全数释放在了及川身体里。身上的人撑不住高潮后的疲惫倒伏在他身上,于是两个人脸颊贴着脸颊,牛岛感受到脸侧一片新鲜的潮湿,不知道是汗还是泪。
喘息逐渐平息,只有两颗心脏在一片墨一般的寂静中搏动着,构成一场激烈性事的尾声。牛岛刚才始终搭在及川腰上的手慢慢上移,掠过一片片紧挨着的肌肉贴,掠过优雅凸出着的蝴蝶骨,掠过粘着细密汗滴的脖颈,终于没入及川细软的发丝之中。
他在及川微不可闻的抽泣声中,小心翼翼地揉了揉那头被汗水浸湿了的棕发。
–28岁–
牛岛的左手伸进那头因为刚刚结束的比赛汗湿了的棕发中,轻柔地将面前的人拉近。
他和及川交换了一个吻。虽然两个人都带着浑身的汗和剧烈运动后散发着的荷尔蒙,但这个吻却意外地没带任何焦急,仿佛两个人把对方的嘴唇当成米其林餐厅里的最后一道餐后甜点,不疾不徐地慢慢品尝。牛岛搭在他腰间的手慢慢向下滑,整个身体也随之用力,把及川抵在墙上。那力气不是那种心虚的轻,也不是那种急切的重,而是恰到好处能让及川感觉到几秒痛感,又恰到好处能让他嵌进牛岛怀里的那种力量。他捧着及川的脸颊极有耐心地和那人唇舌交缠,但另一只手动作没停,悄无声息地伸进运动裤里握住对方半勃的性器。
这双手十分钟前还在万众瞩目的球场上接起扣下无数个球,现在却为及川做着这种事情。粗糙的茧蹭过马眼,前液被圈起来的手指涂满整个茎身,过分的快感让他紧闭双眼也无法抵挡。黑绿相间的队服下摆被高高撩起,胸前露出的两点殷红被左右轮流碾揉挑拨。牛岛仿佛同样被及川的情绪带动了,一个劲舔舐着他的嘴唇,将及川的所有呻吟和喘息吞吃入腹,只偶尔有几声得以逃出两人的唇瓣,在卫生间的瓷砖地面上反射回响。
有人来了。先是皮鞋踏在地面上的清脆声响,再是最外面隔间的门被拉开然后关闭的吱扭声。及川和牛岛同时停了下来,嘴唇分离拉出细长的银丝在空中微微颤动。在听到冲水声音的一刹那,牛岛重新开启手上的动作,右手却坏心眼地撬开及川的嘴巴,满意地听到对方的高声呻吟和着远离的脚步声奏响,又被水龙头的水声冲刷殆尽。及川终于射在他的掌心,但罕见地没有为他刚才的动作大发脾气,反而是将头虚虚向后靠在墙上,似乎对他今天的一切行为都施以仁慈的默许。
于是他开始进入及川。
后背贴着冰凉的瓷砖,穴内却塞着火热滚烫的性器,及川觉得自己的身体和灵魂都被劈成了两半。他伸出手去揽住牛岛的脖子,于是那片冰凉的部分逐渐抽离,只剩下温热的那一半与对方紧紧相贴。进进出出,开开合合,一切动作都已经失去意义,剩下的只有——
快乐。比赛胜利的快乐。灵魂抽离的快乐。
与过去和解的快乐。
牛岛在及川到达顶点时看向他的脸。虽然抽插的动作没有停止,及川的身体依然磨在墙上耸动,但他却第一次能够完全看清那人的脸庞。他放大的瞳孔涣散迷蒙,鲜红的嘴唇微微翕张,汗湿的发丝一绺绺贴在额头。在下一秒,牛岛在那张脸上看到了一个不可思议的笑容,有什么从他身躯里破土而出,从头到脚将两个人密密匝匝包裹在一处。
他就这样看着及川的脸射了出来。在这场性事的结尾,牛岛向前倾去和及川额头相抵,声音里带着情欲的沙哑和刚刚平复的喘息。他说:
“恭喜你,及川。”
而及川没有开口,只是伸出手去轻轻覆上他的脸庞。
–32岁–
牛岛捉住及川为他整理着鬓角碎发的那只手,不顾对方的抗议把它拉到了胸前。时间已经快到了,这个家伙刚刚还在悠哉游哉地走来走去,现在却又揪着这些细节孜孜计较。牛岛无奈地叹了口气,拉起人就要往门外走,却在左脚跨出门框的一瞬间又被及川拽了回来调整领带,还被要挟着整理好对方在刚才动作下略有些散乱的头发。
最后的结果就是,两人在约定时间即将过去的最后一秒出现在了众人面前。
白色。漫天的白色,全身的白色,满眼的白色。牛岛向来觉得自己和及川的关系不应该用白色来描述,但世间的人们在发明这一切时似乎没有将他们这样的关系纳入考虑的范畴,所以就只能用白色,所以就只有白色这一个选择。
他转过身去,看到从头到脚包在白色西装里的及川。微风吹过他的头发,阳光轻轻吻着他的脸颊。及川在笑,于是他终于在这一片洁白的世界中看到一抹恣意流动着的色彩。他想起十六岁时及川打他的那一拳,是带着血腥味的红色;十八岁时在器材室的那句告别,是太平洋无边无际的蓝色;二十二岁时及川脸上滑落的泪水,是痛苦晦暗的黑色;二十八岁时轻抚上他脸颊的那只手,是温暖释然的黄色。
他望着及川,于是他的世界就被这样一片混沌的色彩填满。
当天唯一能确定的事情是,及川彻和牛岛若利交换了无名指上的对戒。
end
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