拉维尼亚惊异于自己还能如常行事。
“如常”的意思是说,在奥古斯都时代的宫殿里,伊每天照常地交班、睡觉、照管监督女孩们如何摆放橡树枝、纠正祷词练习的发音,带着阿米莉亚值夜。最末一项曾暂停了几天,冬天有几天很冷,拉维尼亚事后埋怨自己没有给阿米莉亚裹上更厚的被褥。小贞女发烧卧床一周有余,首席贞女几乎未眠地看护她,像女奴一样睡在她床边的草垫上。消息密不透风,不过宫殿里的人们曾经窃窃私语他们是否又要选新贞女了。但是那个六岁的女孩子挺了过来,退烧了,同时拉维尼亚走出房门,看起来疲惫而平静,发髻里一根稻草丝也没有。
这些日子以来首席贞女没有出去打水,在公共场合露面也只有在一月一号新执政官上任的典礼上。自从农神节大宴那天,被独裁官夫人发现了全家和维比迪亚^[1] 嬷嬷小心保守至今的秘密,拉维尼亚就觉得自己常常处于一种恍惚状态,至少一半的心思在预备面临羞辱、审判与死亡,其它的事情只是因为习惯而完成的。伊没有把这件事告诉马提乌斯,因为——如果梅洛迪亚或者别的什么人决定把这件事告诉全罗马,大祭司又做得了什么?毒死那个他爱的日耳曼女人?不,算了。但是拉维尼亚曾经把小贞女们召到一起,跟她们讲了尼禄在晚餐桌上毒死不列塔尼科斯^[2] 的故事。“而不列塔尼科斯的姐妹、尼禄的皇后克劳迪娅·屋大维亚就坐在晚餐桌边,没有表现出任何感情波动。她也只有十五岁,不比你们大多少。这是在这个宫殿里生存下去的唯一方法,不能表现出弱点。”拉维尼亚怀疑自己是否过于残忍,但是女孩们睁得圆圆的眼睛告诉伊她们并没有听懂多少,对于这些至多十岁的女孩们来说,五六年前倒台的尼禄就像传说里的阿伽门农那么久远。
拉维尼亚叹口气,换了一种更温和的语气说:“如果什么事情发生在我身上,你们不要惊慌,也不要为我哭。先保护你们自己。”
“克劳迪娅·屋大维亚后来怎么样了?”十岁的科涅尼亚问。
拉维尼亚一时语塞,伊想起多年前的那个女孩,有着过早消瘦的颧骨和无波的圆眼睛,尼禄后来与她离婚并流放了她,后来又因为人民对她的爱处决了她。也许克劳迪娅·屋大维亚不是一个适合讲的故事,提不列塔尼科斯干嘛?神话传说里一定能找出更适合的故事来的。
“你最近真安静。”鲁布里亚^[3] 说。 像是为了证实她的话,拉维尼亚点点头,一声没吭。
“我们在花园里发现一个蜂窝,要来看看吗?”她拿出一样比较有吸引力的事物。 拉维尼亚摇摇头。
“你怕什么?”她叉着腰说,“因为维比迪亚嬷嬷说你既然有了月信就要多像个端庄主妇样子?别那样看着我,我知道皇帝^[4] 用鞭子抽了你一顿,奴隶们这几天私下里说的都是这个。”
人们在议论伊,拉维尼亚不由试图自己缩小一点,最好缩成一只蚂蚁那么大不再被人看见。
“他侄女刚被告发通奸直接被剑处死^[5] 呢,”鲁布里亚突然靠近神秘兮兮地说,“你不过是赶在他的气头上了,等不列颠尼亚打下来了他就会高兴的。”
当然,对于这十二岁的维斯塔贞女来说“通奸”和不列颠尼亚一样是很遥远的东西,嬷嬷们教她们谨慎时对这类细节向来模糊。十四岁的拉维尼亚看着鲁布里亚,一位真正的姑娘,光芒四射,无所畏惧,月信不会阻拦伊任何事。她不会了解伊恐惧的东西的。但是那时他们不知道,有一天人们的目光会转向鲁布里亚,并且成为更加长久的衡量与凝视。维斯塔贞女不应当有她这样的光芒与美丽。当拉维尼亚学会了不被人注意的技巧以后,伊开始注意到尼禄看鲁布里亚的眼神,那里面有些令人不安的东西。鲁布里亚比尼禄大六岁,但是,从他的记录或关于他传言来看,这并不会阻拦他做任何事。
回忆到这里,拉维尼亚理解了第一次见到梅洛迪亚时的不安从何而来,不是因为她是蛮族,不是因为她是一个日耳曼部落的首领,而是因为她像曾经的鲁布里亚,闪耀而无畏。梅洛迪亚几次请首席贞女到她房里去,拉维尼亚便去那里短暂地坐一会,看着女奴们给梅洛迪亚梳妆,而梅洛迪亚对伊抱怨自己的爱人们。梅洛迪亚对拉维尼亚提起马提乌斯时总是说“你哥哥”,好像拉维尼亚对他干的事负有某种责任似的。但是好歹她没有——还没有提过农神节她在拉维尼亚的脖子上摸到了什么,所以拉维尼亚坐在那里,点着头。想着为她上眼影的那个姑娘和梅洛迪亚一样来自异乡,但是一个得为另一个上眼影。首席贞女没有意识到伊开始有时用一种新的眼光来看待习以为常的事物。“梅洛迪亚可以明天就跨上马飞奔回北方去。那些蛮族女人都很会骑马。”拉维尼亚对自己说,“不,可是这样就会让元老院说中了,她不肯低头的。”
“怎么样?”梅洛迪亚一只手一个,捏着两只不同的耳环放在左右耳垂上,问拉维尼亚,“哪一只更好?”
两只都很漂亮,除此之外拉维尼亚说不出更多。
梅洛迪亚兀自取了一对戴上,“罗马人真奇怪,如果装扮过于华丽人们要说我是奢侈无度的妖女,如果过于简朴又显然是未经开化的土包子。”她对着铜镜歪着头欣赏,转头过来笑道:“我不该问首席贞女那样的问题。要是哪一天开始你对耳环有了研究,我丈夫也许会办你通奸。”
按例应该是大祭司过问这样的事,但是梅洛迪亚也许说得没错,她对德鲁苏斯和马提乌斯两个人有更深刻的理解,这比任何惯例和法度都更有意义。或者这是一个警告?来自哪一个?
拉维尼亚微笑:“恭喜,你已经了解这宫廷的生活是怎么回事了。”
“那陪我喝麦酒庆祝吧。”梅洛迪亚打扮停当,看起来彻头彻尾的罗马女人,斟上一大杯按日耳曼方式酿的麦酒。
“我对酒精不太在行。”
“我想也是。”她喝了一口,从酒杯上方斜睨着拉维尼亚,“你哥哥也一样。” 话题再次回到两个男人。拉维尼亚等待找借口离开的时机。
至于“通奸”,首席贞女知道在农神节的最后一天自己越界了,这事最好就此打住。拉维尼亚尽量让自己忙着。伊派女孩们出去打水,回来时问她们有什么人盯着她们看没有。
“所有人都盯着我们看。”科涅尼亚挺起胸骄傲地说。
“盖乌斯·卡普尔尼乌斯·比索、苏比瑞乌斯·弗拉乌斯、小塞涅卡老头……”九岁的卡维娜开始掰指头,这孩子认识的元老真多。
“我看到一只小狗。嬷嬷,我们可以有一只小狗吗?”八岁的法比亚说。
拉维尼亚把目光转向阿米莉亚,发现她的袍子下摆打湿了。“我在台阶上摔了一跤。”她抽抽嗒嗒地说。
拉维尼亚叫别的女孩们去塞西莉亚那儿,把阿米莉亚带去换干衣服,想着自己到底在指望阿米莉亚能认出谁——难道不是不认得最好吗?
在那些少数独处的时刻,拉维尼亚尽量不再想起谁。有一天中午首席贞女从睡梦中惊醒——伊在值完夜班后睡觉——意识到自己在梦里重温嘴唇的触感,那个时候他放在自己腰上的手……拉维尼亚起身在床边跪下,此时窗外只有太阳神阿波罗从马车上投下的金色光芒,但拉维尼亚向他的妹妹^[6] 祈求坚定的心志与纯洁。想想梅洛迪亚吧,伊对自己说,“好像我的事还不够多一样!”或者,想想已故的维比迪亚,年轻时闹过这样的荒唐事就够了,“这也会过去的。”伊严厉地对着镜子说,仔细地检查睡前已经刮干净下巴,穿上外袍尽量多遮住身体。然后叫海伦娜进来梳头,她是一个快活的西斯巴尼亚^[7] 人,此时她唠叨的那些市场里的八卦正是拉维尼亚所需要的——你总需要一些事来淹没别的事。
也许下次伊会试试梅洛迪亚的麦酒,拉维尼亚想,并打听酿造方法,哪怕是为了让梅洛迪亚谈谈她的爱情之外的事。
[1] 即之前的故事里提到的“克里夫斯”,那实在不是一个罗马名字,所以我找出这位维斯塔首席贞女,她在克劳狄乌斯的梅沙丽娜皇后私下与情人结婚时曾劝告皇帝不要贸然动怒。
[2] 不列塔尼科斯是克劳狄乌斯与梅沙丽娜的儿子,他的命名是为纪念克劳狄乌斯征不列颠。尼禄是小阿格里皮娜在之前婚姻中的儿子,在小阿格里皮娜与克劳狄乌斯结婚后被克劳狄乌斯收养。不列塔尼科斯被毒死时,尼禄正与小阿格里皮娜交恶,小阿格里皮娜曾威胁她的儿子说,她可以随时废掉尼禄拥立不列塔尼科斯为皇帝。
[3] 据 Suetonius,被尼禄强奸的维斯塔贞女。
[4] 这里指当时的皇帝克劳狄乌斯,罗马帝国皇帝兼任大祭司。
[5] 克劳狄乌斯的侄女朱莉亚·利维亚。她和她的孩子被认为是对皇位的威胁,因此皇后梅沙丽娜告她通奸,克劳狄乌斯未经审判便命人用剑处死她。这件事与克劳狄乌斯征不列颠尼亚同发生在公元 43 年。
[6] 主司贞洁与狩猎的月亮女神狄安娜是太阳神阿波罗的孪生妹妹。
[7] 约在今西班牙一带。
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