I Feel Like a Stupid

Photo de Kin Shing Lai sur Unsplash

I’ve been taking some time off from having to think as I really just needed some escape from capitalism going on. I basically lost myself in Transport Fever because as usual the real world sux, I’ve also had a lot of time to be poor and hungry for reasons.

During that time I tried to also keep current with anything but scrolling Tumblr and battling a very strange sleeping schedule that won’t snap back from waking up at mid-day.

Now I’m back in the working world and I’m really trying to get my head engaged in the things I need to do, but waking up late and somehow tired as shit makes thinking rather difficult. Don’t get me wrong I’m very keen on the client and their work, but oh boy does getting restarted properly hurt the soul.

Tonight, even though I really can’t afford it, I’m treating myself to have a pause outside my house, get myself in to gear, finish this thing and email it out. I also have a script running for another client that is at best 50/50 working and I know I can fix it with running a pre-roll API call (because the endpoint API is so shit it gives different responses every time you hit it), that is staring at me in the face that I need the energy to get to.

But times like this I feel like I’m very stupid, having met with a friend to speak of the great 2022/23 events there is certainly a connection to those awful people we’re both pretty happy to never have to deal with again. This time I’m kind of like what the hell is happening (other than you know capitalism generally and my wonky blood pressure) because I can really put my mind to it, especially when I went in to what could be described as a psychotic focus episode when I was redevelopping oh.mg and sus.fr. But here I am right now, back on the sofa, using a pair of shorts as a pillow because I’m far too lazy to go get the actual pillow.

I think to be realistic before I need to pull myself off the sofa to head to the restaurant I’m just going to live on vibes right now, take the afternoon off, and on my way deal with my project page problems (mainly it was summarised by AI - don’t judge when you’re running hot on two jobs in one day you have to make some concessions), when I get there watch a streamer while I eat, and see where I am on the way back. I also need to be concious that tomorrow morning I do need to be up early and try to get on the métro before 10h (ideally 8h45).

Anyways, before I end I think this is a very good time to drop that I created a new Chat Mail instance called chat.me.